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Ruby Chen Says Hostage Families Feel Let Down, Want Concrete Tools To Bring Home Both the Living and the Dead

Ruby Chen, an American Israeli father whose son was taken captive and later confirmed killed in the October 7, 2023 attack by Hamas, says families of the hostages feel like their government could have done a better job and want clear mechanisms to ensure every captive—living or dead—is brought home.

“We tried to ask [United States Special Envoy to the Middle East Steve] Witkoff and Jared [Kushner, President Donald Trump’s son-in-law] what type of levers exist, and also to the Israeli government as well,” Chen told The Media Line. When pressed, he clarified: “Levers, sanctions.”

Ruby Chen and US Special Envoy to the Middle East Steve Witkoff, at Hostages Square in Tel Aviv, Oct. 11, 2025. (Courtesy)

He said that while current ceasefire arrangements link Palestinian prisoner releases to living hostages, “for the deceased hostages, there is no such caveat. So it’s only a best effort. And that for a number of families is very uneasy.”

When asked whether families know how many deceased hostages might be returned, Chen answered bluntly: “Nobody knows what the number is. Everything is just speculation.”

Chen’s 19-year-old son, Itay Chen, was serving in the Israel Defense Forces’ Armored Corps when Hamas forces overran his position near Nahal Oz on October 7, 2023. Born in Israel but holding US and German citizenship, Itay was part of a new generation of dual-national Israelis whose global roots mirror the country’s Diaspora connections.

Initially listed as missing and presumed kidnapped, Itay was later declared killed on the day of the attack. In March 2024, the Israel Defense Forces said intelligence and battlefield evidence showed he had been killed during the assault and that his remains were being held in Gaza. The US State Department and White House confirmed the IDF’s assessment, calling Itay “a beloved young man with American citizenship who was murdered by Hamas.” Hamas has never returned his remains or acknowledged holding them.

For the Chens, this limbo has become a mission. The family has not observed shiva, the traditional week of mourning, and Ruby Chen insists that only the return of Itay’s remains will allow closure. He has testified before the UN and spoken at rallies across Israel and the United States, pressing for the release of both the living and the dead. “We are tortured, re-traumatized again and again,” he said in one speech, calling the withholding of remains a violation of international law.

Ruby Chen was born in New York City to Holocaust-survivor parents who immigrated after World War II. He moved to Israel more than two decades ago and now lives in Netanya with his wife, Hagit, and their children. Before the war, he worked in business and was not involved in public activism. That changed after October 7, when he joined the steering committee for the Hostages and Missing Families Forum and became a frequent interlocutor for US officials.

During the interview, Chen returned repeatedly to the theme of leadership—and its absence. He believes Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu should have personally addressed the families at Hostages Square in Tel Aviv, even if it meant facing public anger. “The fact that he wasn’t able to step up and lead and be able to say, ‘You know what, I’m coming to the square. I’m going to get some boos, but I’m going to lead. We need to be together,’ that’s what a leader should have done,” Chen said. “Instead, he decided to not show up.”

No senior minister, no prime minister came to us even once for two years

When asked about the anger directed at Netanyahu during the gathering—“was it the time to do that, when it was really about trying to thank the president for finally solving something?”—Chen replied that the outrage was not spontaneous but born of long neglect. “Why is it that the Israeli government was not willing… no senior minister, no prime minister came to us even once for two years,” he said. “That absence of presence, that silence, is exactly what fuels the pain and anger you saw in the square.”

Despite grief and fatigue, Chen vowed the movement would not dissolve when the current round of releases ends. “Even if there’s one left, I expect—and I got the promise yesterday from half a million people—that if we still have hostages, we’re coming back next Saturday night. I’ll be back Saturday night.”

Asked whether Israel’s support for families is adequate, Chen acknowledged the uncertainty. “We don’t know what is enough or not enough,” he said. “The hostage families have got us thinking about what we can do to help those who won’t get their loved ones back tomorrow. We’ll do our best to help provide an envelope of support.”

He noted that Israel has consulted US experts from the September 11 response effort because “nobody knows how to deal with this—there’s no benchmark.”

Families, meanwhile, have been told of a multinational task force organized to locate hostages whose fates remain unknown. “There’s a gap that exists—if those that are not found, what are you going to do? So that’s where that task force comes into play,” he said.

The lack of information is agonizing. “There are the 20 that we know have a sign of life, and the others not,” Chen said. “It’s pretty simple.”

There’s a window of opportunity to get those remaining hostages out, and we need to do everything possible to make it happen

For Ruby Chen, the line between private loss and public advocacy has blurred. He often frames his son’s case as a moral litmus test for Israel and its allies: whether they will follow through on their promise to “bring everyone home.” The lesson, he said, is clear: “There’s a window of opportunity to get those remaining hostages out, and we need to do everything possible to make it happen.”